In the name of keeping it real, I'm gonna tell you about reverse culture shock, something that few travelers ever let seep out of the traveling circle. No one warns the newbies. So for those of you who have been following my blog, living vicariously, and planning those trips of your own, let's talk about the realities of coming home.
So let's see, I've been home for about a week and a half now, and I while I can't believe it's been that long, I've not been able to get too much done in that amount of time. When you move somewhere, everything is new and you have to get into new routines and go to new stores and get there in a different way maybe -and you EXPECT that when you move away from home. But when those things happen to you when you come home, it's a different story. You expect to come home to your comfort zone, things that you're used to, safety. But that's the thing, you don't realize some of the routines that you've traded in for new ones while you've been away.
Here's an example. While I used to feel comfortable and safe driving to Kroger, my favorite grocery store, now, I am used to walking to BM (the grocery store in Puerto Jimenez). Once inside Kroger, I cannot navigate the aisles like I used to because I am used to the layout of the BM, not to mention the bright lights, the colors, the store's size, the beeping registers. Great, I immediately forget what in the world I came here for (which is NOT usual for me!). Once I finally DO find the item I am looking for, how do I CHOOSE?! There are like 14 different brands of the same thing that yet, are all slightly different. TOO. MANY. OPTIONS. Finally, I am stunned by the price tag. It's in dollars -1's ,5's, 10's - and not in colones - 1000's, 5000's, and 10,000's - and I no longer have to convert in my head. What, by the way, are quarters and dimes and decimal points?? Gosh they still feel like play money. What in the world is happening? Why do I feel so out of place in such familiar territory?!?!
AND THEN I drive home (which, oddly enough is still a struggle in itself), only to unload my groceries to find that I don't have half the things I need to cook the recipes that I'm used to cooking. COME ON, I just want to relax with an avocado, Tabasco, and egg wrap - a safe haven, a comfort food. But guess what, I don't have Tabasco or tortillas because they are not located next to the items that trigger my memory to get them. I'm so distracted by the bread that I forget tortillas, and I rarely shop the condiment aisle, so I didn't even pass the Tabasco. I never used to cook with it, so I never thought about it, but now it's something I'm used to. Now that I'm magically back in my bubble, it's not in my grocery store routine, even though it's in my regular diet! Make sense? So, no comfort food for me. Sigh...even the food is compromised!!
AND THAT'S JUST A TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE. That doesn't take into account my frustration with the fact that people wear shoes inside and how no one here composts. The amount of trash we create kills me. Packaged items are everywhere - and they are packaged INSIDE packages! Who does that?! You HAVE to drive if you want to get anything done, and stop lights and stop signs are basically my arch enemies. Also, how is it humanly possible for me to have so many THINGS in my room?!? I don't even wanna think about how retail stores make me feel. And schools?! I'm scared to teach here again - I might hug a child or take my shoes off or wear a tank top at work or do something else equally unforgivable. Oh I know what it'll be - I'll be late to work. I had NO problem switching over to Tico time (I am habitually late anyway), but it's been a real struggle to be somewhere when I say I will. I'll get there eventually, but I might be an hour late.....
How exhausting. Literally, everything I do is exhausting. While I don't feel UNcomfortable, I don't quite feel comfortable either. It's like every little thing is only slightly off....Not off enough for you to recognize it off the bat, but just off enough for you to know something isn't quite right. But you can't tell WHY it isn't quite right, because this is your comfort zone and you know everything already remember? This feeling makes you feel like you've gone crazy, like you've lost your mind. I have never felt so mentally unorganized in my life!
NOT TO MENTION (I know this keeps getting more intense ha that's the goal), I'm working through letting go of some old memories that I left behind. I've taken time for myself to heal, mostly in Matapalo, but coming back makes it even more real. BUT, the good news is, while this whole thing is a sporatic struggle (because things pop up out of nowhere and unexpectedly), I've got the best support system ever. My friends and family at home pull me up by my bootstraps and get me going, and my friends abroad keep me going with memories of the best times of my life. I'm chuggin' along, and it's been wonderful to see friends and family after so long, but I do miss the laidback life style and jungle retreats of good ole PJ and Matapalo. I'm used to escaping every weekend, so finding solace here can be a little more challenging. Plus, WHERE ARE MY SPORTS. I am gonna lose my mind EVEN MORE if I don't go to the gym or go hiking or swim laps or something, anything. Oh but wait, IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE and my wimpy self is afraid of the cold. Cool.
So, sorry for those of you who have been affected by this struggle, and an infinite thanks to those who love me anyway and drag me out of my hole. I'm usually the one doing the dragging, but when home, the most comfortable place in the world, suddenly becomes surprisingly unfamiliar, it can make a person look, sound, and feel crazy, especially when no one warns you about it. Slowly but surely, I will replace those comfortable habits of my "other" home with new ones here, just like I did when I originally moved away. I am in the mindset that while this is home, and things are familiar, I am at a different stage in life, so I have to keep moving forward, which requires constant change anyway. While old habits may feel comfortable, traveling (and then coming home) is all about creating new boundaries to your comfort zone, so picking up where I left off defeats the purpose (especially in romantic relationship!).
In closing, Salud to a new year that brings new habits, new routines, new relationships (added to the great ones I already have!), new travels, and of course, new adventures!! (And a new job. Don't forget about a new job...)
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